A Little Bit Of Funny

God bless the Huffington Post for the sheer fodder for humor on this blog. 

She looks like she’s flagging down a man-whore, and he . . . well, we all know what HE looks like he’s doing.

Speaking of the Clintons and sex (gosh, what a novelty), people keep asking why Bill is pushing so hard instead of encouraging Hillary to bow out gracefully.  In the spirit of humor, here’s a hypothetical flashback that may explain just why Bill’s being so ardent in his support. 

*******

The White House, December 19th, 1998

“Oh, you’re back.”

“Yes dear.”

“Impeached.  You knew the Republicans hated you.  You knew they were coming after you, and you still couldn’t keep it in your pants.”

“Yes, dear.  I’m sorry, dear.”

“Well, let me make it clear to you what’s going to happen from now on, Mister President.  You are going to be the poster boy for good behavior.  Remember what happened to Foster?”

*gulp* “Yes, dear!”

“And so help me, if this comes back to haunt my run for the Presidency in 2008, you’re going to wish your last name was Bobbit.  HIS they were able to sew back on.  You won’t be so lucky.”

**Flash Forward to Present**

THAT’s why he looks like this now. 

While We Wait

The people in Burma are dying.  So who will intervene?

We stood by while Saddaam Hussein used gas on his own people, then cried “horror” at the atrocities a decade later, with photospreads of mass graves in magazines as testament to “Big Bad Saddaam.”  No, we waited until it was again politically expedient to use that mass murder as an excuse in our reasoning for attacking Iraq after 9/11. 

Not to Godwin the argument, but we waited until directly attacked to intervene in the atrocities by Nazi Germany in WWII.  Whatever happened to the “never again” mantra?

Make no mistake about it.  The government of Myanmar, aka Burma, is willfully contributing to the deaths of thousands more of its own people by not allowing aid to reach the citizenry. 

Hundreds of thousands of people have no food, water or shelter. International aid agencies on the ground say they have reached only 10% of those that need help.

Despite this, Burma’s foreign ministry issued a statement on Friday saying it was not ready to allow foreign aid workers to enter the country.

The junta said it was happy to accept aid, but insisted it would control the distribution itself.

This will probably garner me a lot of harassment, but it is high time the UN used those troops they’ve got.  Soveriegnty be damned.  I’m no globalist.  I think nations should certainly maintain their independence and trade agreements.  But when thousands of people are dying of starvation and infection because the government involved, which is in way over its head in dealing with this catastrophe, wants to decide who lives and who dies just as a power trip, then that government can go straight to hell for all I care.  Send in UN workers with the food and supplies over the objections of the Myanmar government.  If they fire on the UN workers (which is fairly analogous to kneecapping a nun), then send in the goddamned UN troops and protect the aid workers.  If people are going to die, they deserve to know that they didn’t die because, once again, the world was afraid to offend a government and offered only apathy. 

My Messy Senator

I noticed this piece this morning and had to laugh:

A Capitol Hill newspaper reports that Senator Bernie Sanders’ D.C. neighbors are unhappy because the front yard of his historic home has become a mass of ugly weeds.

The newspaper The Hill reports Sanders apologized and plans to do his best to get rid of the weeds so anyone who might want to can see the McCain sign in his neighbor’s yard.

A Sanders spokesman tells Channel 3 it is hard to understand the fuss because the Senator’s yard looks the same as all the neighbors.

I take it Senator Sanders’ neighbors have never seen him or his hair.  If you have, you’d get what’s so funny.  “Wind-blown” is putting it mildly.  I don’t think the man knows what a comb is. 

God love ya, Bernie.  

 

Micromanaging Your Candidate

The Huffington Post this morning has a post that attempts to make the case that there are “Big Rewards” awaiting Hillary Clinton should she exit the presidential race immediately.  Among those rewards is this:

One of the most inviting is the near certainty that the Obama campaign would agree to pay back the $11.4 million she has loaned her own bid, along with an estimated $10 million to $15 million in unpaid campaign expenses.

Such a notion has the rabid Obama supporters dripping venom all over the comments:

This article makes me sick. Hillary Clinton has acted like a republican (or worse) for a grueling 10 weeks and now some are suggesting that Obama spend the money “we the people” sent him to bail our her campaign!? I think not!

My first vote was for Lyndon Johnson, because he was going to end the war. I have contributed more to Barak Obama than I have ever given to a candidate. I’m going to hold off giving until I see what the campaign will do with Clinton’s debts.

Why should Obama pay Clinton’s debt? People donate to HIM, not her. That is an outrageous idea. It smacks of a bribe too.

I don’t see anyway how she could get him to pay off her debts without it looking like he’s bribing her to quit the race - and I would not be surprised if there were a sudden halt on the grassroots donations to the Obama campaign if the public knew it was going toward helping a U.S. Senator keep her personal wealth at $109 million rather than $98 million.

Note the trend of these comments.  (There are far, far more, expressing similar sentiments.)  Barack Obama is not even officially the nominee of the party yet, and his followers (a more accurate term than “supporters,” I think) are already threatening to cut off his funds if he doesn’t do what he’s told. 

As the Church Lady used to say, “Well, isn’t that special?”

Obama’s followers trust him enough to elect him as president, someone who would be responsible for the largest economy in the world, and all that that entails . . . but they don’t trust his judgement when it comes to the finances of his own campaign?  Am I the only one who thinks that’s just a bit odd?  The implication I see is that these people think they own Barack Obama.  And he’d better do what they approve of, or else they cut off the funds. 

If I were Senator Obama, I’d be insulted on multiple levels.  (For one thing, for all of the hoopla about Obama supporters being “more educated,” quite a few of those commentors supporting Obama have the written language skills of an amputee baboon.)  But, as Matt said recently, you make your bed, you lie in it. 

Beating A Dead Horse in Burma

You may recall my opposition to the full-on rush to tinker with the genetic code of our staple foods.  In a comment on this post, I said:

Overpopulation is what leads us to starvation, not lack of food production. Right now someone dies every 3.6 seconds from hunger. I’d like you to calculate the amount of food we’d need to start producing and distributing–over the billions of tons produced already–in order to even make a dent in that rate. That’s assuming, of course, that all of those deaths from hunger are solely from lack of food, not political maneuverings that have kept the food from undesired populations. The fact is, when we have individual governments and religions–and they’re highly culpable, both–that deny birth control, technology, and resources, then we’re going to have starving people. We need to address the disease, not the symptom.

AND I wrote:

Even if we food drop into some countries, the starving won’t get the food.

Almost directly on cue, God dropped the hammer on Burma (Myanmar).  And lookee what happens:

Myanmar’s isolationist regime allowed the first plane of a major international airlift to land Thursday with aid for cyclone survivors, a U.N. official said, amid fears that lack of safe food and drinking water could push the death toll above 100,000.

But the junta was not allowing U.S. military planes to fly in critical relief goods and continued to stall on visas for U.N. teams urgently seeking entry to ensure aid is delivered to the victims. . .

Four planes loaded with high-energy biscuits, medicine and other supplies have waited for the last two days while frustrated U.N. officials negotiated with the military regime to allow the material into the Southeast Asian nation.

Even after a devastating cyclone that has killed tens of thousands of people, perhaps 100,000, with over a million people displaced or affected, the Myanmar government was more concerned with their grip on power than the welfare of their people. 

It is governments like this that lead to mass starvation and waste of resources (including people who could be taught to farm and produce food).  When the short-sighted, destructive and wasteful policies of such governments are no more, and people are allowed the freedom, technology, and resources to thrive, food will once again be abundant worldwide.  Without resorting to the gambling with our major foodsources. 

Get Carter

As if we needed proof that people are idiots . . . well, here it is.

I don’t really know who Heidi Carter is, but put that name on yourwebsite and watch the traffic jump a bit from all the pervs out there. 

You know who you are.

While I like extra traffic as much as any guy (write your joke in here), I would prefer that it come because of something interesting or just maybe insightful that I wrote.  However, one extra comment on this blog post where I did just the smallest scratchings of an investigation, and now my email has become perv central. 

The only one-handed emails I want sent to me better be from Keanu Reeves.  (I get a pass.)  Not married men.  And two of the emails are supposedly from Ms. Carter herself. 

I’ll Be Here When You Are Dust

I know it’s “trapped in your home,” but we have chickens outside that lay eggs every single day, so if I count them Norm and I could survive way beyond what this little test tells us:

 

Created by OnePlusYou

h/t Kevin

Foreshadowing?

Hillary better hope not:

Tragedy struck the first filly in the Kentucky Derby since 1999, as Eight Belles went down on the track after her second-place finish today, broke two ankles, and was euthanized.

Showing a sisterhood with the female horse, Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., during a trip to Louisville this week had said she was going to bet on Eight Belles to win, place, and show. . .

The horse Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., picked to show — Big Brown — won the Derby.

Levels upon levels. . . And really: Big Brown? 

Popcorn Politics

You know, for three candidates who have so very much in common, the media has done one hell of a job making them seem diametrically opposed.  With today’s headline in the Huffington Post, “Clinton Camp Considering Nuclear Option,” John McCain must be getting the popcorn ready.  If it doesn’t stick in his dentures, that is. 

With at least 50 percent of the Democratic Party’s 30-member Rules and Bylaws Committee committed to Clinton, her backers could — when the committee meets at the end of this month — try to ram through a decision to seat the disputed 210-member Florida and 156-member Michigan delegations. Such a decision would give Clinton an estimated 55 or more delegates than Obama, according to Clinton campaign operatives.

As an aside, I do want to mention here: say what you will about that idiot Carville, he does give us some memorable lines:

If she gave him one of her cojones, they’d both have two.

Face it, that’s funny.  And if she pulls off that “Nuclear Option,” it just may be true. 
 

Invasion Of The Penis Snatchers

Just when I start to think people can’t get any more nuts:

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

The funny part:

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear. . .

Huh.  Perez Hilton has been to the Congo?  *snark*

No, seriously, the funniest part is the picture that appeared to the right of the headline: “Penis Theft Panic Hits City . .” (Click the pic to see the funny)

Find that kid!

Free Ice Cream!

Once again the time has come for Ben&Jerry’s tradition, Free Cone Day!

Tomorrow, April 29th, 2008, is this year’s Free Cone Day at Ben & Jerry’s stores nationwide. 

Visit a scoop shop near you to get your free cone!  (Even though they’re backing Obama, their ice cream is unparalleled scrumptiosity.)

As a child, I had the pleasure of frequenting the very first scoop shop in Burlington Vermont, to sample their unsurpassed chocolate ice cream. 

The love affair has never ended.  Enjoy! 

Ummm

I’ve been tagged by Jeff, but since I already did this one, I’m just going to put up the link. 

Memoirs?

To totally steal the schtick from Bill Maher, time for a New Rule:

You cannot write memoirs until you’re old enough to forget things. 

Fun With News

So I got here through Rob’s blog, and had to chuckle at this: