Apostrophe: a digression in the form of an address to someone not present.
I used to get all worked up over the smallest “gay” issue. It seemed like every day saw another anti-gay tirade from one corner or another, and I would make it my own personal agenda to refute the bigoted cacophony and rally the troops onward . . .
Slowly I began reading more varied opinions and delving deeper into the issues that attracted my interests, from the political to the religious, often involving gay issues, sometimes not. Each day exposed me to new blogs, new friends, new enemies–and a few who are a bit of both–and I tried to be sure and learn something every day, try to find new ways in which my deepest passions could be filtered through my words and into the minds and hearts of what I considered “the ignorant masses.”
I’ve decided that I can’t do that anymore. Or at least that I shouldn’t.
While every blogger eventually–and sometimes cyclically–suffers from a general malaise, seen in periodic lulls throughout the blogosphere, it has taken some extensive self-reflection to realize that not only is it trés égoiste for me to think I know so much better than everyone else, it’s also not my responsibility to correct the problems of society.
You see, I believe that we all have an ideal world in the back of our minds–one where everything is perfect and everyone sees things the same way that we do. Blogs are preternaturally dangerous in their ability to allow us to convey those thoughts–some of which should really remain private–and expose our ideals to the harsh world of other people’s opinions.
Sometimes we end up rabidly attacking our would-be internet friends over the smallest things. If we’re lucky, we realize what we’re doing and step back for some introspection. If we’re not, we end up getting snarkier every day, until one day we’re Wonkette or something. *shudder*
For instance, I could comment about how completely idiotic the latest “gay headline” from Australia is. In America we can “reserve the right to refuse service” if someone’s conduct is out of line–if they’re abusive, don’t wear a shirt–whatever. Blatently discriminating against all heteros? That’s just begging for a backlash. But are my comments really changing any opinions? Aren’t they echoed multiple times elsewhere? I’m sure they are.
Besides, most of the things I wanted to change are going to happen anyway–at least I think they are. Eventually. Gay marriage, barring Judgement Day, is an eventuality. The world will continue to surprise, amaze, and disappoint me every day in a million ways. But my passion for this blog, at least, has fallen by the wayside. I’ll still post here from time to time, but I have other things to do that I enjoy much more lately. I have another website I’m working on that describes my ideal society, and I can’t decide whether to use it as a setting for a book, release the website to the public, or just keep it to myself until I think I have it just right. Some day.
Norm and I–with help, of course–not to mention 4 dumptrucks full of sand–built a riding ring in our backyard this past weekend. With a house to take care of, we find ourselves doing more and more together, and I sense us growing closer as time goes on. And that’s where I should be putting my energy. Not wasting it by condemning people for their beliefs even as I bitch when they do that to me.
We’re building a tomorrow together, my love and I. You should see it. It’s beautiful. Right near the woods behind our house. . .
The woods are dreary, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep.
And miles to go before I sleep.